


Now and Then

by cuttothequickk



Series: All Things Bright and Beautiful [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Past Abuse, Protective Kageyama Tobio, Sickfic, Time Skips, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-28 21:13:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13912320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuttothequickk/pseuds/cuttothequickk
Summary: As it turns out, Hinata is pretty bad at taking care of himself when he's sick.Luckily, he has Kageyama.





	Now and Then

**Author's Note:**

> Additional warnings for discussion of past abuse and internalized victim blaming on Hinata's part. References to past sexual assault/coercion/rape which is not called rape by the person who experienced this violence, because it can be really fucking hard to think through these experiences in their aftermath, and I don't think Hinata is ready to figure that stuff out yet, and that's okay.

 

 

 

 _KageyamaT:_ do you still want to hang out tomorrow

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ YEAH! Meet at the station at 12????

 

 _KageyamaT:_ sure

 _KageyamaT:_ it’s supposed to be warm so we can play in the park

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ I feel like we really need more things to do tgthr wo volleyball

 

 _KageyamaT:_ we can do something else

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ NO! I love volleyball! (p^-^)p

 

 _KageyamaT:_ I like doing whatever you like doing

 _KageyamaT:_ oh okay

 _KageyamaT:_ nevermind

 _KageyamaT:_ sorry I was typing while you sent that last

 _KageyamaT:_ volleyball is fine

 _KageyamaT:_ see you tomorrow

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ Tobio?

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ You okayyyyyyy?

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ okay see you tomorrwo!! I’m so excited!!!!! 《《o(≧◇≦)o》》

 

 

Hinata puts his phone into his backpack and shrugs into his coat, his nightly cleaning duties done and the physical therapy clinic closed up for the day.

 

“Hinata-san,” Suzuki-san says, appearing in the doorway of the back office, “Are you sure you’re okay? You really look pale. But your cheeks are, like, bright red.”

 

Hinata nods, ignoring the way his skin is crawling with shivers, his appetite nonexistent even though it’s dinnertime, his throat kind of tingly in that sharp, annoying way that signals the beginning of a cold. “I’m fine, Suzuki-san. Thanks, though.”

 

Suzuki-san sighs. “You could’ve gone home early, you know. I could’ve handled things here.”

 

“I wouldn’t leave you and Inoue-san alone here on a Friday afternoon,” Hinata says, his voice all cheery even though he can feel the weariness settling in his bones. He always gets these symptoms the night before a cold, and he’s looking forward to climbing into his bathtub and taking some painkillers and letting his head fall heavy onto his pillow to sleep away the illness as best he can.

 

“You still have to bike home, right?” Suzuki-san asks.

 

Hinata nods. “I’m fine though. Really. I, like, never actually get sick! Like, I get sick for six hours and then it just goes away!”

 

Suzuki-san grins and flicks her bangs out of her eyes with a manicured nail. “Why does that not surprise me?”

 

Hinata grins. “See you on Monday, Suzuki-san.”

 

“Go to the doctor if your fever doesn’t go away. It might be the flu,” Suzuki-san says as Hinata walks out the front door, leaving her to shut down the last computer and lock the door.

 

Hinata offers a little salute, tired but still not feeling _that_ sick. “It’s not! Don’t worry! I’ve had the flu before, and it was nothing like this!”

 

Suzuki-san offers a smile and a wave and then turns back to the computer, and Hinata heads for his bike.

 

He makes it three-quarters of the way home before the chain pops off, slamming his knee into his handlebars and refreshing the ever-present bruise across his kneecap.

 

“Oh well,” Hinata murmurs to himself, popping the chain into place and ignoring the weird looks he’s getting. “At least it wasn’t the left knee again!”

 

That one is, like, so purple it’s practically black.

 

Oops.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ _Dumbass,_ why are you so bad at this today? Are you sick or something?” Kageyama yells, throwing his hands up in obvious frustration.

 

Hinata grits his teeth and tries to regain his focus. “No, I’m just—I’m fine,” he says, stretching to try to alleviate the dull pain in his elbows and knees. His spine feels weird and tingly too, not quite pain but this sort of achy tension. He’s flushed and kind of hot, but they’re at practice so that part isn’t really unusual.

 

“Hinata! Hinata, are you even listening?”

 

“Huh?”

 

Kageyama is looking at him, eyes narrow and brows furrowed as he glares at Hinata. “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?”

 

Hinata grins, sticking his tongue between his teeth. “Yeah, I know.”

 

There’s a moment of silence while they get back into position, and then Hinata tosses the ball into the air so that Kageyama can set for him, their routine so well-established by now that Hinata hardly has to think about it. Except there’s something weird going on, some shiver that hits him and leaves him _freezing_ for no reason as he’s dashing towards the net, and then he’s stumbling over his toes and hitting the ground instead of jumping, the solid wood floor smacking bruises into his kneecaps as he catches himself on aching wrists.

 

“What’s wrong with the shrimp today,” Tsukishima mutters to Yamaguchi, who shrugs and gives Hinata a concerned look.

 

“You okay?” Yamaguchi asks.

 

Hinata pushes himself up. “Yeah, I’m good.”

 

He ignores the odd tension in his abdomen, not a stomachache but some weird, twisty feeling that isn’t normal. Kageyama scowls but walks over anyway and offers a hand, and Hinata takes it and lets himself be pulled to his feet because all of a sudden he’s not sure he would be able to get up on his own, which. Okay. That’s a little concerning.

 

“Hinata? _Hinata?_ ” Kageyama is saying, and Hinata blinks heavy eyes up at him and stumbles forward a step, and then Kageyama’s furrowed brows start to look more concerned than angry. He presses a hand against Hinata’s forehead and leans in to study Hinata’s eyes.

 

“I think you have a fever,” Kageyama murmurs a few seconds later. “Your eyes are all glassy, and your forehead is really hot. You should go home.”

 

Hinata shakes his head and then regrets it for the dizziness it causes. “I’m fine, Kageyama. I’m just sweaty from practice.”

 

“No,” Kageyama says, quiet, like this is a conversation for only them. “It’s not that. You probably have the flu.”

 

“I do not have the flu,” Hinata says, but then he gets all freezing cold again and feels a shudder go up his aching spine, all his joints protesting the way he kind of jerks. “Ow, why do I hurt everywhere?”

 

Kageyama rolls his eyes, although he still looks concerned. “Dumbass. You hurt because you have the flu. You need to go to the doctor. Call your mom.”

 

“Mom’s at work.”

 

“Call your dad.”

 

Hinata’s eyes open (when had he closed them?) and he stares at Kageyama with wide eyes. “I—my dad is—you didn’t know?”

 

“Didn’t know what?”

 

“My dad died when I was young. A little after Natsu was born.”

 

Kageyama’s face goes all red and he opens his mouth to stutter out an apology, but Hinata just lets his head fall forward until it’s buried in Kageyama’s chest.

 

“It’s fine. You didn’t know.”

 

Kageyama shuts up, and then Hinata feels a sudden gentle hand running through his hair. “Let’s call your mom, okay? I’m sure she can come get you.”

 

“She’s at _work_ , Kageyama—”

 

“If she can’t leave, then we’ll call my mom.”

 

They make their way to the edge of the gym, and Hinata lets Kageyama guide him to lie down near the wall with his head pillowed on Kageyama’s jacket, his head spinning. He feels delirious and too sensitive to lights and sounds and feelings, and he’s hardly even sure it’s real when he feels Kageyama’s fingers brushing through his hair for a while before his mom comes to get him and he’s taken home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hinata wakes up from a restless, hazy sleep and he knows it’s not the flu.

 

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ Don’t worry, Suzuki-san! I definitely don’t have the flu!

 

 _Haru-chan:_ Glad to hear that! Inoue-san would’ve been so mad if you did. Did you go to the doctor?

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ nah, but I don’t have a fever! So I’m fine!

 

 _Haru-chan:_ Okay, if you say so. Get lots of rest today! Glad you’re okay!

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ don’t worry about me! see you monday!

 

 

Hinata picks his head up off his pillow and groans. It’s not the flu, but it’s definitely _something_. His head is aching, and his nose is stuffed up, and his sinuses are making his face feel tender. His throat is sore. He’s stiff and kind of dizzy.

 

But. It’s really not that bad. He can definitely manage volleyball in the park for a couple hours.

 

Getting up turns out to be really difficult, but showering helps, and Hinata takes two painkillers before making a breakfast of natto and orange juice. The food sits heavy in his stomach; Hinata’s appetite always goes away when he get a cold, and he’s used to having to force himself to eat on days when he’s not feeling his best. He makes some coffee, too, and feels more alert after he’s finished it.

 

He’s fine. He’s obviously fine.

 

Getting to the station doesn’t take long, and Hinata parks his bike a little before noon and locks it up, pulling his phone out of his pocket and scrolling through it while he waits for Kageyama. It’s only a couple minutes before Hinata spots Kageyama’s dark hair and imposingly tall frame, and Hinata jumps up from his slump against the low wall next to the bike rack and grins, his arm coming up in a little wave.

 

“Hey! What’s up!”

 

Kageyama shrugs and looks like maybe he’ll lean down to kiss Hinata, but then he doesn’t. Hinata isn’t surprised. Kageyama isn’t one for PDA, nor does he usually initiate contact between them without Hinata’s express permission.

 

“Not much,” Kageyama says. “Did you sleep well?”

 

Hinata nods. “Yeah, did you?”

 

Kageyama furrows his brow. “You sound weird.”

 

Hinata purses his lips like he’s thinking. “Weird in what way?” He asks, as if he doesn’t already know it’s because his nose is a little stuffed up.

 

Kageyama shrugs. “I don’t know. Are you okay?”

 

Hinata grins. It takes a little more energy than it usually would, the motion forced even if the sentiment behind it isn’t. “I’m fine!”

 

Kageyama nods, still looking a little skeptical but apparently reluctant to push.

 

They make their way across the street and down the block to the park, an unusual although not uncomfortable silence between them, because Hinata is just—he’s not _really_ sick, obviously, but, like, he is _kinda_ tired and keeping up a running commentary just seems really taxing right now. So it’s fine to just stay quiet, to study the ball while he assesses how he feels, and—yeah, he’s fine. He’s fine.

 

Kageyama doesn’t say anything. So that’s pretty normal.

 

Pretty soon, they’re at the park. The sun is shining, and there are some kids playing on the jungle gym while their parents watch from the benches. Kageyama starts stretching, and Hinata follows suit, because a little bit of exercise will probably make him feel better, like when he’s hungover and he forces himself to go for a jog. The stretching feels nice. The little ache in his back doesn’t go away, though.

 

“You wanna start with spikes? Or just try to keep it in the air for as long as we can?” Kageyama asks.

 

Hinata shrugs. “Your choice.” He kind of doesn’t feel up to making any decisions right now.

 

Kageyama nods. “Okay. Spikes it is.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ so it’s definitely the flu (✖╭╮✖)

 

 _KageyamaT:_ I told you

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ yeah yeah I know I know, got it (T＿T)

 

 _KageyamaT:_ when are you coming back to school

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ idk, maybe not until next week!

 _ShouyouShouyou:_  I don’t wanna miss practice!! ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

 

 _KageyamaT:_ that one is just ridiculous

 _KageyamaT:_ you’re such a dork

 _KageyamaT:_ are you just staying home by yourself?

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ yeah I mean my mom can’t stay home with me obviously

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ and like she says it’s fine cuz I’m 18

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ bet ur mom wouldn’t let you stay home alone with the flu

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ cuz ur only 17  <(￣︶￣)>

 

 _KageyamaT:_ I turn 18 in nine days

 _KageyamaT:_ and what does that one even mean

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ but ur not 18 yet!!!!

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ it means <(￣︶￣)>

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ obviously!!!!!

 

 _KageyamaT:_ …

 _KageyamaT:_ what if you fall in the shower and die

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ what! that won’t happn!!!!!

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ mostly bcus I am currently physically unable to stand up to take a shower.

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ it’s baths only for me and like

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ even that’s real difficult

 

 _KageyamaT:_ dumbass.

 _KageyamaT:_ see you tomorrow

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_???

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ but I won’t be at school?

 

 _KageyamaT:_ someone has to make sure you don’t fall and die in the shower

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ if anything I’ll drown in the bathtub!

 

 _KageyamaT:_ exactly

 _KageyamaT:_ I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ are you offering to come over?

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ what about school?

 

 _KageyamaT:_ it’s right before winter break. we’re not doing anything anyways

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ <(￣︶￣)>

 

 _KageyamaT:_ again

 _KageyamaT:_ what is that one supposed to mean

 

 _ShouyouShouyou:_ <(￣︶￣)> <(￣︶￣)> <(￣︶￣)>

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you cold? Why do you keep shivering?”

 

“Huh?” Hinata looks over at Kageyama, who has his head cocked to the side.

 

“And you’re really quiet today.”

 

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Hinata sticks out his tongue, trying to ready himself to throw the ball again. They’ve only been playing for 20 minutes, but Hinata isn’t sure he’s going to last much longer.

 

No. He’s fine. He’s _fine._

 

Kageyama walks over, scowling. “Dumbass, what’s wrong with you today? You’re being weirder than usual, which is—” Kageyama stops short, just a couple feet away, his eyes locked onto Hinata’s.

 

“Oh,” he says, taking the remaining step forward and pressing his hand against Hinata’s forehead. “Why didn’t you just tell me you were sick?”

 

Hinata giggles nervously. “What? I’m not sick!”

 

“Well, you don’t have a fever, or at least not a high one, so it’s not the flu. But you’re sick. Your eyes are all glassy. Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Hinata takes a breath, readying himself to protest, but then he slumps into a posture that is the standing up version of curling into a ball. His back hurts, and he is kind of shivery and headachy. He just has that sort of _ill_ feeling, like everything’s not quite right and his skin doesn’t fit and his bones are the wrong size. He drops his head into Kageyama’s chest and lets out a little groan, thankful to finally have something other than sheer determination to keep him standing.

 

“I just wanted to hang out with you,” Hinata says. “And to be okay. I’m not that sick. It’s not a big deal.”

 

“Were you sick yesterday? Did you know before we confirmed our plans?”

 

Hinata nods because he’s too tired to bother lying.

 

“Dumbass.”

 

“I didn’t think I would feel this bad. I’m usually pretty okay when I get a cold.”

 

Kageyama wraps an arm around Hinata’s shoulders and starts leading him over to their bags. “Come on, dumbass. Let’s go home.”

 

“Wait, but—no-oo-oo,” Hinata says, the full force of how not-good he feels hitting him now that he’s kind of letting it, and because it’s been about four hours since he took the painkillers, so they’re probably wearing off. “We were supposed to hang out all day today.”

 

“Dumbass, you can come to mine. Or I’ll chill with you at your place. What do you want?”

 

Hinata feels relief burst in his chest, and he doesn’t protest as Kageyama keeps his arm around him as they head back towards where Hinata left his bike. “Yours. Your futon is bigger.”

 

Kageyama presses his nose into Hinata’s hair, and Hinata can feel the way his breath stirs up the strands. “Okay. Do you need anything from your place? I mean, if—if you want to stay over.” Kageyama kind of mutters the last part, like he’s not sure he should be saying it. Hinata lets an exhausted smile cross his face even though he knows Kageyama can’t see it.

 

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just wear some of your pajamas. If you don’t mind.”

 

Kageyama clears his throat. “I don’t mind.”

 

They unlock Hinata’s bike, and Kageyama wheels it as Hinata rests heavy against Kageyama’s side, the short walk to Kageyama’s apartment quiet but content even though Hinata’s head is pounding, his throat kind of sore as he whispers, “You’re the best, Tobio.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You know, you shouldn’t skip school like this,” Hinata says as he slides open the door to his family’s modest house, his eyes gritty with lack of sleep and his whole body aching. He’s afraid he might fall over, actually, but then Kageyama is pushing in through the doorway and wrapping an arm around Hinata’s shoulders to steady him, and together they head back to the living room where Hinata has been lying halfway under the kotatsu, his position making it easy to scoot under further when his fever makes him cold, and then to roll away when he suddenly goes all hot.

 

Having the flu is really annoying.

 

“You don’t care about it any more than I do,” Kageyama argues, and Hinata shrugs, because. Well. Yeah.

 

“Entrance exams, though,” Hinata says, letting Kageyama help him sit down because the other option is to just collapse, and that doesn’t seem fun considering how sore and achy his muscles are.

 

“We’ll be fine,” Kageyama says. “We can get into Sendai. It’s not that hard.”

 

Hinata swallows. Thinks about trying for schools in Tokyo, because. Well. Whatever. Hinata isn’t going to say anything about that. “Yeah,” he says instead. “Sendai.”

 

Kageyama nods. “Do you need anything?”

 

Hinata lays himself back into position beneath the kotatsu, his head comfortable on the cushions behind it. “I should probably put on a mask since you’re here. I’ve been wearing one around my mom and Natsu.”

 

Kageyama shrugs. “You’ll be more comfortable without it, so you don’t have to. I don’t care. I got a flu shot.”

 

“So did I,” Hinata says. “Apparently it didn’t matter.”

 

“It’s because you’re so tiny.”

 

“That has nothing to do with it,” Hinata says, too sick and achy to even laugh. “I’m tired. I couldn’t sleep because I feel so terrible.”

 

Kageyama settles next to him under the kotatsu. “Okay. Try to sleep. I’ll stay here.”

 

“You should go to school.”

 

“I’m keeping you from drowning in the bathtub.”

 

“ _Bakageyama,_ I’m not even in the bathtub right now.”

 

“Still.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kageyama’s apartment is warm when they get there, the window open to let in the spring air.

 

“I put away the kotatsu already,” Kageyama says. “But I’ll pull out the electric blanket for you and you can lie on the couch. Or in bed, if you want.”

 

Hinata shakes his head. “No, I don’t feel that bad. Like, for the bed. I’m not really tired. Just want to lie down and talk to you.”

 

Kageyama nods. “Okay. Come on, I’ll grab you something to change into.”

 

It’s only been a couple of weeks since the first time Hinata slept over, and they’ve only had one other sleepover since, which was last weekend at Hinata’s house. The whole taking-things-slow thing is kind of annoying even though Hinata knows it’s necessary, and that it’s good for them to practice their communication, and that in the long run it will be better because technically they’re still not even _dating_ because Hinata still can’t handle that label, can’t be someone’s _boyfriend_ because the last time he let that happen it went so terribly wrong, and he’s so scared of being reduced to _property_ again even though he knows Kageyama won’t do that, he really won’t, he _won’t_ —

 

“Hey,” Kageyama says. “Come back.”

 

Hinata looks up at him, blinks a couple times, hides a yawn in the crook of his elbow. “Sorry. Thanks,” he says, grabbing the pajamas he’s being offered.

 

Kageyama turns around while Hinata strips out of his shirt and gym shorts. There’s nothing sexual about the situation and Hinata really does trust Kageyama, but he hasn’t given consent for Kageyama to see all of him yet and Kageyama is big on respecting boundaries. Hinata is glad, because he’s still not sure he’s ready, and his thoughts still turn fearful sometimes. Hinata isn’t sure when it will stop, if it ever does.

 

Hinata is lucky that Kageyama is infinitely patient with him.

 

“Why are all your clothes so soft?” Hinata asks as he finishes putting the clothes on, the white fabric of the t-shirt settling light against his shoulders, the plaid sleep pants way too long but comfortable just the same. Kageyama changes his shirt but leaves his black track pants on, and together the two head into the living room.

 

“They’re not all soft,” Kageyama says. “I’m just giving you the good ones.”

 

Hinata smiles and nudges himself gently into Kageyama. “Cutey-yama,” Hinata says.

 

Kageyama snorts and rolls his eyes. “Hold on. Let me grab the electric blanket.”

 

Hinata heads for the couch and waits for Kageyama to come back with the blanket. The cushions are soft beneath him, and the pillows smell like Kageyama. It’s a nice mix, and Hinata inhales laundry detergent and bar soap and lets his lips fall into a dopey smile.

 

“Here,” Kageyama says, kneeling down to plug in the blanket and then draping it all across Hinata’s shivering form on the couch. “You okay? I have painkillers that are also fever-reducers, if you want.”

 

Hinata nods. “Yes, please.”

 

“Does your throat hurt?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I’ll make tea.”

 

Hinata nods. “Not green, though? Do you have something without caffeine? Because I couldn’t really sleep last night.”

 

Kageyama rolls his eyes. “Probably because you were sick. You should’ve just _told_ me,” Kageyama whines, and Hinata is struck by how childish and adorable he looks.

 

Hinata grins. “Why? Because you secretly like taking care of me?”

 

Kageyama turns a sudden and vibrant shade of red. “It’s not a very good secret. I skipped school for a week to take care of you when you got the flu in third year, remember?”

 

Hinata lets his eyes flutter closed, basking in the memory. “I thought you were just looking for an excuse to get out of school.”

 

“No. I had to make sure you didn’t fall in the shower and die.”

 

Hinata laughs and regrets it when it makes his head hurt more. “I thought you were supposed to be keeping me from drowning in the bathtub.”

 

“I just wanted to hang out with you, okay?”

 

Kageyama is standing there blushing, his fists clenched at his side, his gaze skittering off to the side. It’s a look Hinata hasn’t seen since high school.

 

Hinata’s heart swells in his chest. “Brings back memories, huh?”

 

Kageyama nods once and disappears to make the tea.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You might want to leave before my mom gets home or she’ll figure out you skipped school,” Hinata murmurs. He’s been drifting in and out of sleep, his arms and legs so weak he can hardly lift them. In retrospect, he’s a little bit relieved that Kageyama has been here all day to monitor his temperature and give him sips of water (which Hinata can’t even drink without Kageyama propping his head up for him) and press a cool cloth to Hinata’s burning skin.

 

“Dumbass, school is over by now. We’ll just tell her I came over after it let out.”

 

“Oh yeah.”

 

Hinata drifts for a second and the next thing he knows, Kageyama is lifting him into a sitting position so Hinata is cradled against Kageyama’s chest.

 

“Hinata? Hinata?”

 

The franticness in Kageyama’s voice makes Hinata wonder if Kageyama has called him more than a couple of times now, and he rouses himself as best he can. “Yeah?”

 

“Shit, your fever is up a lot.”

 

Hinata’s eyelids flutter. “Yeah, I’m really hot.”

 

“What should I do?”

 

Hinata thinks about treating fevers, tries to sort through the slog of his brain and can’t, except—there’s a memory there, somewhere, this weird half-blur of being young and tiny and crying in the dark of the bathroom while his mom set him in the freezing cold water in the bathtub, except she had said it was lukewarm—she had _promised_ lukewarm but it felt like _icicles_ — _just to get your fever down, Shou-chan, please, I know it hurts, but if this doesn’t work we have to go to the emergency room, Shouyou, I’m sorry—_

 

“Bath,” Hinata says, because they hadn’t gone to the emergency room in the memory. Of that, Hinata is sure.

 

“What? Yeah, I know, keep you from drowning—”

 

“No, no, you have to—lukewarm water, to bring the fever down,” Hinata manages, his voice a slur even to his own ears. He’s already dreading how cold it’s going to be, but—well, he doesn’t want to go to the emergency room, and he isn’t even sure how he would get there considering Kageyama can’t drive and Hinata’s mom is still at work.

 

But Kageyama is already standing, Hinata cradled in his arms. The sudden change in motion makes Hinata squeak a little and cling to Kageyama, who climbs the stairs and goes to the bathroom and sets Hinata on the floor while he starts running the water.

 

“Can you take off your clothes yourself?” He asks.

 

Hinata struggles his way out of his shirt and pajama pants. He hesitates at his boxers, because—well—ugh.

 

“Not looking,” Kageyama says, albeit a little awkwardly. They’ve changed in front of each other in the lockers before, of course, but for some reason it feels different now that it’s just the two of them. Hinata maneuvers his boxers off, which is tough because he still can’t actually stand up and has to do it sitting down against the wall of the bathroom, but then he’s ready for the bath, and he crawls over and into the tub himself somehow, and the water is just as freezing as he thought it would be, and he hisses and grabs Kageyama’s wrist.

 

Here’s the thing: Hinata knows he shouldn’t be pressing for any sort of love or affection from Kageyama. Kageyama isn’t into him; if he were, he would’ve made a move by now. They are 18 (well, Kageyama is still 17, but only for eight more days), and they would be going at it like rabbits if they were both interested and consenting parties. But they’re not. Because Kageyama is just—not interested. And Hinata needs to respect that.

 

But.

 

Hinata is sick as _fuck,_ like, the sickest he can even remember being, even though he’s had strep throat two years in a row now and had gotten pneumonia the year before that. All three of those illnesses were nothing compared to this, and Hinata is honestly a little bit scared, because he literally can’t lift his head without help right now, and his mom had thought him well enough to stay at home alone but he obviously isn’t, and what is he going to do tomorrow, and fuck the water is _so, so cold—_

 

“Hinata,” Kageyama is saying, “Hinata, come on, it’s okay—are you okay?”

 

“Cold,” Hinata says, his teeth slamming together with how fucking _cold_ he is, “Cold, cold, coldcoldcoldcold—”

 

“Hinata, it’s not that cold, your fever is just really bad—”

 

“Tobio, I’m scared,” Hinata says, and he suddenly starts to cry.

 

“Oh,” Kageyama says. A pause. “Shouyou.”

 

Kageyama twines their fingers together, and he strokes hair off Hinata’s forehead, and he turns the water just a little bit colder, and Hinata cries but he knows the icy water is necessary.

 

“I’m scared for tomorrow,” Hinata says when he’s done crying, the water still cold but now a little closer to the lukewarm it’s supposed to be. It’s been probably an hour, and they’re still just sitting in the bathroom. Hinata’s butt hurts from the bottom of the bathtub; the rest of his hurts from the flu.

 

“Don’t be scared, dumbass. I’ll be here.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As comfortable as the couch is, Hinata really wants to take a bath, and he suddenly regrets asking to come over to Kageyama’s instead of saying they could go back to his own place. It’s weird, Hinata thinks, to ask to take a bath at someone else’s house—especially someone you’re sort-of-but-not-really-and-definitely-not-officially dating but who you also are 100 percent not sleeping with.

 

“What,” Kageyama gripes, his hands pressing harder into Hinata’s scalp. Kageyama is sitting up on the couch with Hinata’s head in his lap, and occasionally Kageyama helps him sit up to sip at a mug of herbal tea.

 

“Nothing,” Hinata says.

 

“Dumbass, I know there’s something. What is it?”

 

Hinata swallows, feels the way his swollen throat clenches and spasms painfully in reflex. “I just—I wish I were at home so I could take a bath.”

 

Kageyama freezes up a little when Hinata says the first part, but then by the end he’s just raising his eyebrows. “You can take a bath here.”

 

Hinata closes his eyes and snuggles himself deeper into Kageyama’s lap. “It’s not—it just feels weird to ask. Because we’re not like—sleeping together, so we don’t see each other naked, and—I don’t know.”

 

Kageyama brushes a gentle thumb along Hinata’s cheek. He’s very good at that, surprisingly—being gentle like Hinata is something delicate and cherished. “Shouyou, it’s fine. You can take a bath. I’ll wait outside, or if you want me to sit with you, that’s fine. I won’t look.”

 

“It’s not—I don’t care about you seeing me naked,” Hinata says, frustrated, because he’s honestly unsure himself what his issue is with this. “It’s just—like, I don’t know, it feels like there should be sex involved! I just feel like that’s what’s expected.”

 

Kageyama is silent for long enough that Hinata knows that what he’s just said is going to end up being an Abusive Relationship Mentality Thing. He doesn’t always realize it when he says things, but Kageyama goes all quiet and considering when Hinata has said something that turns out to be some remnant of Hinata’s last boyfriend and all his insidious gaslighting and manipulation.

 

Stupid ex-boyfriend. Hinata hates him, and hates himself for hating him because he shouldn’t be thinking about his ex at all.

 

“Shouyou, you can be naked with me without having to have sex with me. There is no expectation whatsoever of that.”

 

“I didn’t want to get into this. Forget I said anything,” Hinata says, kind of annoyed now.

 

Kageyama just runs calm fingers through Hinata’s hair. “I’m just letting you know.”

 

Hinata wraps his arms around Kageyama’s knee a little awkwardly and buries his face into Kageyama’s thigh. “I know. I just—I _know._ It just doesn’t _feel_ that way.”

 

“It’s okay,” Kageyama says quietly.

 

Hinata pauses a few seconds, making no move to actually go pursue that bath. They’ve opened the box. They may as well explore what’s inside.

 

“I just—it feels like if you’re sleeping with someone, then you’re entitled to certain things. Like taking a bath at their apartment. Because taking a bath with someone—or not _with_ someone, even, but—just, like, there’s, like, accidental intimacy, or—ugh, Tobio, I don’t _know._ It just feels weird.”

 

“Okay. You don’t have to. I’ll take you home if you want, so you can take a bath there.”

 

Hinata lets out a frustrated grunt. “ _No._ It’s not that either. I just—I fucking feel weird about intimacy right now and I _know_ it’s because of—I know it’s _his_ fault but it also feels like _my_ fault and I just want to fucking _like_ you and not be afraid of how my head’s going to get all _twisted around and fucked up_ because I just _liked_ another human being. It just feels like no matter what I do, he’s _still controlling me._ ” Hinata finishes his rant and realizes he’s started to cry, his emotions all over the place because he’s suddenly so _mad_ he feels _sick_ , but not from the actual cold he has which is why he wanted the bath in the first place.

 

Kageyama is breathing softly, his hands calm as they card through Hinata’s hair, and Hinata feels himself stilling under the touch, his back still aching and his throat still swollen and burning, but his chest suddenly lighter for having gotten all that feeling out into the air.

 

“I’m not him,” Kageyama says, a little out of nowhere. “I haven’t said that, because I thought it might be rude or something. But…I don’t want to control you, Shouyou. I won’t control you with sex, or with _not_ having sex if we never do. I just want you to be happy and comfortable. You can take a bath here without there being, I don’t know, strings attached.”

 

Hinata’s tears quiet after another few seconds, and he relaxes into Kageyama’s knees, his body limp with exhaustion. “I know. But he said stuff like that too. And there _were_ strings attached. So actually, it helps to have the reminder that you’re not him,” Hinata says.

 

Kageyama shifts a little bit under him. “Do you want to take a bath?”

 

Hinata nods. “Yeah. But maybe—don’t look, okay? Promise.”

 

“I promise.”

 

“He looked at me in the shower before we fucked,” Hinata blurts, because he suddenly can’t not. “He said I could stay the night this one time, before we had ever had sex, and I asked to use the shower, and we had already taken our shirts off together but hadn’t gone further than that, and then in the middle of my shower he just came in and looked at me without even asking, and—I mean, I wasn’t _really_ mad or anything, but it just felt—like, it felt like I didn’t belong to myself anymore. Like in one glance, he had just taken the physical me away from _me,_ if that makes any sense.

 

“And then, I don’t know, he was just the ultimate controller of any sort of physical intimacy, like he would just decide when we were going to have sex and I wouldn’t say no, like one time I was supposed to be meeting my mom and—and he made me late, because he just wanted us to have sex right then, I was—I was on my hands and knees on the mattress and it was the middle of the afternoon and I couldn’t do _anything_ to stop it but just wait for it to be over and—and I mean, I don’t think that actually counts as, like, _rape_ , but—” Hinata chokes on a breath and curls himself tighter into Kageyama’s lap.

 

Kageyama tugs at Hinata until Hinata is cradled bridal style in his arms, Hinata’s head resting heavy against Kageyama’s shoulder, nose pressed to Kageyama’s throat.

 

“I won’t look. And I would never, _ever_ have sex with you if you didn’t really want it. That’s—sex that isn’t wanted isn’t sex, it’s—” Kageyama cuts off like he wants to say something but also doesn’t, and then he continues: “That’s—I _will not do that._ ”

 

Hinata can hear the resolve in Kageyama’s voice, the threat of it, like Kageyama is making an oath.

 

“And Shouyou, I do not fucking care if we never have sex,” Kageyama says. “I won’t hold it over your head, and I won’t pressure you, and I won’t bring it up unless you do. You’re not here as some—as some _sex_ thing. You’re not a toy. I wouldn’t want to hang out with you if you were just a _toy._ I want to hang out with you because you’re my _best friend._ So don’t go away, because then I’ll have to fucking miss you, and I don’t want to miss you.”

 

Hinata wraps his arms around Kageyama’s neck and squeezes. “I don’t want to miss you either.”

 

“Okay. Then let’s take a bath, except I will not be in the water with you and I will not look at you and I will lie on the floor of the bathroom and stare at the ceiling if that works for you.”

 

Hinata giggles. “Yeah, okay. That works.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Kageyama-kun!” Hinata’s mom says when she walks in on the third day Hinata has the flu. “You’re here again!”

 

Kageyama nods. “Just bringing over the homework,” he says. Actually, he hasn’t been to school since Monday, when Hinata had first come down with the flu. But Hinata’s mom doesn’t know that, so she smiles and offers her thanks.

 

“Do you want to stay for dinner?” Hinata’s mom asks.

 

Kageyama shakes his head. “Thank you, Hinata-san, but I really should be going. I have to walk home.”

 

“Are you sure? I can drive you home afterwards, if you want to stay. Shouyou? Are you wearing your mask?” She calls.

 

Hinata dutifully pulls it on.

 

“I could stay,” Kageyama says. “I got my flu shot, so I think I’ll be okay.”

 

This is the third day in a row that Hinata has witnessed this particular conversation. Apparently Kageyama and Hinata’s mother are determined to have it every day that Hinata’s mom comes home to find Kageyama looking after her son.

 

Dinner is a subdued affair, mostly because Hinata’s appetite hasn’t really returned and he’s still kind of out of it even though the fever is finally gone. He’s coughing now, too, and blowing his nose every two to four minutes.

 

But for all of that, Hinata _is_ feeling a little bit better.

 

“See you tomorrow?” Hinata asks when Kageyama is getting ready to head out to Hinata’s mom’s car.

 

Kageyama nods. “I’ll be over in the morning.”

 

“You know,” Hinata says, a little nervous, “I really am okay now. You could probably go to school, if you want.”

 

Kageyama shakes his head. “It’s fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

Hinata grins and waves from his position under the kotatsu, which is where he’s basically taken up residence now. “Bye, Tobio,” he says, not even thinking about the name spilling from his lips in warm familiarity.

 

Kageyama looks surprised, but he just blushes a little and nods. “Bye, Shouyou,” he says, his lips shaping the syllables all tender and lilting.

 

Hinata hides his grin behind the cover of his hand as he yawns and lets his eyes flutter closed, ready for sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That night, Hinata and Kageyama curl up on Kageyama’s futon with only a couple of blankets; it’s warm, it’s almost spring, Hinata’s hot from the bath—

 

It feels good to lie next to each other with the duvet pooled around their waists, Kageyama in only his pajama bottoms and Hinata in only his boxers and one of Kageyama’s shirts.

 

“You seem better,” Kageyama says, brushing hair out of Hinata’s eyes. Kageyama looks like a painting in the moonlight coming in the curtains of the open window, the humid and barely chilled night air drifting in and smelling sweet like spring.

 

Hinata nods. He hasn’t taken painkillers in eight hours now, but he feels okay. “Yeah,” he says, “I really don’t ever get sick for that long. I think the flu during third year was the last time.”

 

Kageyama nods. He’s unfairly beautiful right now. “You look like the real-life version of a Snapchat filter,” Hinata says. Ah. Modern romance.

 

Kageyama crinkles his nose. “What?”

 

Hinata grins. “See? Like, here, hold on,” he says, pulling out his phone and opening the app. He rolls onto his back and holds his phone up above his head so they can both see, the front-facing camera on so their faces are visible on the screen. “There’s this one, right here, which is—like, it makes you look super pretty, see? Kinda fuzzy and glowy, and like your eyes get all big and dark!” Hinata sticks out his tongue, and Kageyama just gazes up at the screen like he’s mesmerized, and Hinata taps the button to capture the photo, and then he saves it and presses the send button.

 

“Can I send it to Yamaguchi-kun?” Hinata asks, turning his head on the pillow to look at Kageyama.

 

Kageyama turns to meet his gaze, looking kind of confused. “You took a picture just now?”

 

Hinata rolls his eyes, an exasperated and fond gasp leaving his lips. “I—yes! Do you not know how Snapchat works?”

 

Kageyama shrugs. “You can send it to Yamaguchi.”

 

Hinata clicks Yamaguchi’s name and then looks for Kageyama’s. “Wait, are we not friends on Snapchat?” He sends the photo to Yamaguchi and to Tsukishima too, just to be annoying, and to Kuroo and Kenma and Bokuto and Akaashi.

 

“I guess we’re not,” Kageyama says as he scrolls through his own list of Snapchat contacts. Which, Hinata sees, only has three people on it: Tsukishima, for some reason, the name of one of Kageyama's coworkers (Hinata thinks), and Kageyama’s mom. Ha.

 

Hinata thinks back. “Oh yeah,” he says after a few seconds. “I had to delete you because one time Ta—he got mad. Because I was gonna snap you.”

 

Kageyama looks confused. “I never use Snapchat.”

 

“I know. Except that one time when we were both drunk, and I snapped you from Tokyo. But that was, like, ages ago. Like, shortly after Kenma and I broke up.”

 

Kageyama nods. “Oh, yeah. I do remember that.”

 

Hinata nods. “So anyways, yeah, I can’t remember—maybe it was, like, a volleyball thing, or something. Just something that made me think of you. But he wouldn’t let me snap you. Said it was weird I still had you as a friend. So I deleted you.”

 

Kageyama nods. “You can add me again if you want.”

 

Hinata grins with his tongue between his teeth because he knows Kageyama thinks it’s really cute. “Okay!”

 

They add each other and then Hinata sends a selfie immediately, which makes Kageyama rolls his eyes and shove at Hinata’s shoulder.

 

“You’re definitely better now.”

 

Hinata smiles and puts his phone away. “Yeah. I’m okay. Might have a runny nose tomorrow, but I think I’ll be okay.”

 

“You can stay here until you feel better if you want. You don’t have to leave right away in the morning, I mean.”

 

Hinata snuggles deeper into the covers. “Yes,” he says. “I’m staying all morning and getting snot all over your pillow.”

 

“I have tissues, you know.”

 

Hinata sticks out his tongue. “Less fun.”

 

“Wha—how is getting snot on my pillow _fun?_ You’re the one whose face would end up in it, dumbass!”

 

“I’m going to surreptitiously switch pillows with you!”

 

“Wha— _why are you like this?_ ”

 

“Did you learn that phrase from me?”

 

“I didn’t—I am not picking up your meme-y mannerisms—”

 

“The word is ‘memetic’—”

 

“ _You do not know what that means—_ ”

 

Hinata surges forward and presses his lips against Kageyama’s, who stops midsentence to kiss him back, hard.

 

They break apart and Kageyama looks a little stunned. Hinata blushes. “Sorry, Tobio,” he says. “I hope you don’t get sick.”

 

Kageyama shakes his head. “I got a flu shot. I’ll be alright. Shouyou.”

 

“I might be a dumbass, but even I know that the flu shot doesn’t do anything against colds— _mmhmph—_ ”

 

Hinata is silenced with a kiss that makes him feel like eating popsicles on a hot day, or dancing with your friends to music turned up too loud, or being given a perfect toss during a volleyball game, or falling in love with your best friend.

 

Well, okay, one of those is actually happening.

 

Oops.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Sunday night, Kageyama hangs around a little later than usual.

 

“I’m _fine,_ Kageyama,” Hinata says, sitting up (on his own!) against the couch and nibbling on one of the popsicles Kageyama had gotten from the Lawson near Hinata’s house on the way over this morning. “I’m even going to school tomorrow. Really, I’m okay.”

 

Kageyama glares and takes a bite of the blue-flavored ice. “You could skip one more day.”

 

“This is the last week before winter break,” Hinata says. “I should probably go. Anyways, your birthday is in four days. We have to celebrate this weekend. I’m sure I’ll be fine by then.”

 

“Are you going to wear a mask all week?”

 

Hinata shrugs. “I guess, yeah. I still can’t believe you haven’t gotten this. Seriously, the flu is supposed to be, like, _super_ contagious.”

 

Kageyama shrugs. “If I had gotten it, I wouldn’t have spent the week lying to my parents and your mom about whether I was at school. I would’ve been allowed to not go. So it would’ve been fine.”

 

Hinata puts on an expression of affront. “But Tobio-kun,” he says, obviously joking, “If we were both sick, who would have kept us from drowning in the bathtub?”

 

Kageyama rolls his eyes. “Dumbass, we wouldn’t have drowned in the bathtub.”

 

“I might’ve,” Hinata says. “Or, like, my fever. On Tuesday. When it got really high,” he says, because he’s still a little shaken up over that. “You saved me. Thank you.”

 

Kageyama blushes and scoffs. “I didn’t save you,” he says, but he sounds a little uncertain, like he’s feeling out of his depth.

 

“I was really scared,” Hinata whispers, because his mom is in the next room. “Tobio, I was so, so scared. I felt so sick, and so hot, and my brain wasn’t working right, and—you just stayed calm and helped me.”

 

“I—yeah,” Kageyama says. “Of course I did. I didn’t want you to be scared.”

 

Hinata nods, and he really means it when he takes Kageyama’s hand and squeezes it. “I’m glad you were here.”

 

Kageyama nods. “Anytime.”

 

“Kageyama-kun,” Hinata’s mom calls, “Time to go!”

 

Kageyama stands up. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Shouyou. You can nap during lunchtime if you need to. I’ll wake you up when it’s time for class.”

 

Hinata grins all gleeful and wide, sure it’s scrunching up his eyes all funny, but he really can’t help it. “Bye, Tobio.”

 

Kageyama look stunned, and then out of nowhere he looks around quick and leans down to press a kiss to Hinata’s forehead, his lips warm and soft where Hinata can feel them resting along his hairline. Kageyama breaks away with a huff and turns around without making eye contact, charging out the front door and leaving Hinata sitting frozen on the low couch, his legs hot under the kotatsu.

 

He presses his hand against the spot Kageyama’s lips had touched and thinks, _wow._ It makes him feel like drinking hot chocolate on a cold day, or singing a song that everyone sings along with at karaoke, or hitting a perfect spike during a volleyball game, or falling in love with your best friend.

 

Well, okay, one of those is actually happening.

 

Oops.


End file.
